What is it about self-destruction that draws a crowd? While standing in the audience at a 2011 Brighter Death Now concert in Germany, I picked up a sense of schadenfreude in the air. On stage was Roger Karmanik, obviously in an intoxicated state, laughing to himself while producing his signature haunting drones and harsh electronics. For a moment I caught his eye. There was something in his stare that unnerved me. I’ve seen this look before. Over the years I’ve worked with a number of individuals who have struggled through depression, through self-destruction. Some survived, others did not. Here was a man on the brink. Who else in the crowd could recognize it? Some are cheering him on, others nod sullenly in accordance.